Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just want to make out with him forever
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
