so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
do herpes really smell.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
