Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
