I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
