I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize