He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
