I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
