VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize