he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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