Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
