If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
