HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
