Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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