Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
