I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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