I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
