how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
