I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
