3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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