One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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