No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
