grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
