Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
