if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
