things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
