We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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