Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
