She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This gyro tastes like lonliness
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize