I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it's like iHOP with fire
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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