he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
