Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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