We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
