literally had 100 drinks last night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
