It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
