I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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