do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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