remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
please come you make the beer taste better
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
