I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize