He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
