this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
