trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
