Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
