dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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