Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
