he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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