u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
