I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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