i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
