the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
