When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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