The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
