we're blogging at a bar
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
