After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
