as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
