Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
