We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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