Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize