For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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