Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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