I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
