what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
