Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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