she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
