Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
