at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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