after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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