I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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