I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
