i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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