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but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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