vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
