You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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