the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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