I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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