He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
