We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
