Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize