There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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