best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
