This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize