The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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