did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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