You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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