I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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