ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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