Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
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