Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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