remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
