Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
