if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
