don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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