right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
