new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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