respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
