we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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