After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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