Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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